Happy ever after.

Don't know if anyone still reads this but....I married on January 5th. A wonderful man :) There is hope out there- it took me 10 years...now comes the task of attempting procreation. Despite what we were told in our teenaged years it is in fact very difficult to get pregnant. Even if all the conditions are right you only have a 20% chance each cycle.......

Happy ending?

Received this comment today:
"Wow Angel! I was just looking up information about Denmark and stumbled on to your blog. I feel like I understand almost everything you've said! If you still access this site, please email me on Yahoo at aimeecwoods. Since you haven't blogged since 2010, I'm curious as to how your life has gone. It was like reading a good story with no conclusion! "

So I thought I'd catch you up on life. It,s been about a year since I last wrote- I can't believe it's been so long!

As usual my life has been a roller coaster. I still hear from Christian, who despite having a new gf has been texting mé. We dó seem to have a Strange connection but it is time to let that go.

I've changed jobs this year and thinking of changing again soon. I love what I'm doing now- teaching people about mental health and reducing stigma but the government funded project ends in December so need to find something else. Have been offered a job but it's only a five month contract and need the security as Alex ( yes he's still around!) and I are looking to buy a home.By all the testimonials I have gotten turns out I'm great at teaching and have now a sessional position with a uni but it's only 1 day a week term time.It's great trying to develop good nursing attitudes and reduce mh stigma from bottom up.

It's a different story on the ward however. Everyone is suffering compassion fatigue. I'm embarking on a research project on the topic trying to do something about it but It's very sad.
am also looking at starting a business with a colleague which will focus on mental health training and with the philosophy that doing the right thing comes before profit. We will also be tithing.

Other than that I'm proper job hunting and have applied for a staff educator post at a notorious " asylum" type hospital here and have been offered a CAMHS triage level 3 but only on a 6 month contract- which scares me as we are looking at buying a house and need more security and although it's likely I'd get further work there, there are no guarantees

We have a plan to let to students too as we would be 10mins from a few uni's and that would help out a lot too :)

The bipolar seems under control now but the PMDD is still causing me problems so finding that I'm hypersensitive to my progesterone and sleep and cry a lot when that kicks in which isn't good but Alex is a great support.

Alex. What can I say he's just amazing he understands that I have these biological illnesses and supports and looks after me totally. For someone 10 years younger than me he's more mature and understanding than anyone. Alex has just started his career as a lawyer and so he wants to wait a couple of years before we settle down. Problem with this though is that at 35 I have a low egg count- so we've been seeing a fertility specialist to advise us what to do and get the results in a follow up in a couple of weeks.

So Angels future? House marriage kids? It's looming like my happy ending may well be around the corner...



So the plan from here on

Slow change

Hello. Have been low since last post struggling to get in to work... Going sick. Someone jokingly squeezed my waist at work to make me jump which set my back pain off again so been in excruciating pain and seeing a chiropractor.

Alex has been keeping me going from afar but hes back in 11 days so thats both exciting and scary.

Work christmas party on nov 24 with diamond and pearl theme and Alex is coming too.

My life is about to change...

How low can you go

Poo. Just when I thought things were ok I suddenly hit a brick wall. It started sat with a poor nights sleep with a late shift fri and early sat and straight to work for another double. Was so tired ended up cancelling my extra shift and going home only to be stopped by the police for speeding. Finished my shift on sunday in a blur and monday woke as usual at 0530 to go see the lovely lemon tree in the back yard had be chopped down. I was and am so upset, spent my days off trying to regain energy- going for massage injecting vit b taking extra vits but nothing worked. 

Back to work wednesday and i make two medication errors, extenuating circumstances aside this is not cool. I was pulled up by management who are putting me on probation for a month pulling me off my ward and cancelling my extra shifts. One more med error and im at risk of losing my job. Today i dont feel like working at all. Im losing it. Im not sure Ive been taking my meds properly or at all and im panicking about everything especially about this whole relationship thing. Also Ive been having constant nightmares. Need to see my psych but hes pretty useless and concentrates on medication. Im fucked.

A catch up and a happy ever after?

Sorry its been a while. A lot has happened though. Seriel dating proved a disaster. I had a manic episode after I left my last job, which whilst disturbing led me to swing dance classes a new friend and a potential husband also a medication that actually seems to help.

I am now in a job that is much less stressful and which on most days I actually enjoy.

I have just returned from an 8 week trip around Europe witg said potential hubby, and he is returning in November to start a new life with me, we are planning to have children in a year or so.

I visited Dk and lordy do I miss that place and my Danish mother Marianne. I cried so much when I left.

I also visited the parents and attempted to lay some ghosts to rest which I think helped me too.

So here I am on the verge of a happy ever after with a guy who seems to adore me whatever I do. I was crazy about him too at first but you know me and my changeable mind... We will see what happens when he gets back I guess. The time has come though now to settle and have babies. The clock is ticking.

New Year and Still Here

Okay I survived the meds, using a very good psychologist and a very good hypnotist. Im back at work and actually enjoying it. Im stronger, louder, prouder and more positive.

I spent christmas with Lukes family, new years with new friends and have innumerable dates. But Im not ready to be in a relationship, I want to heal and fix myself completely.

So in summary Im better than new, Im strong and confident and Im going out again (a little too much) Picture is from last saturday with a swede and a zambian.

People in my life right now:
Suzanna a passing swede whos soon moving to sydney :( Turns out I can speak Swedish pretty good!
Luke who is my best mate and we are at a good place right now
Dieter - a south african I met who wants to date me and gets a little clingy, he is lovely tho
Damon - an irish born aussie who we met out last saturday- a perfect gentleman and hyperintelligent
Wesley a very very pretty south african, but a bit of a player.
Angie, a girl from work who I go out with a fair bit

and lets not forget Kasper- my puppy who is a maltese x shitsu.

Life is ok people, life is good :)

chemical reactions

Woke up today not so good and before even taking pill had crying/panic episode andmy head feels like exploding and feel angry. Have an appointment with a new psychologist today and really dont want this to be the first she sees of me. Read about this drug on internetand it seems many people on it have committed suicide. I dont want to commit suicide. I really dont but I am scared.

Luke is looking after me, helping me and staying with me so I am very lucky to have him still as a friend.