Beaten

Nothing was achieved here. They were nice as long as they could be (about a day) and then all the snide comments.. you look like crap.. you never made anything of yourself... you have nothing to show for your life.. youre not the marrying type are you...look how clever your sister is and how many kids shes got...

Me? I feel beaten down mentally, and close to tears. I am tired, stressed and feel... worthless.

But in the background Luke and MArianne have been keeping me strong, making me realise that somewhere someone things something of me, thinks I am a good person, and worth something.

I just need to get away from here and on with my real life.

Im done with being told Im not good enough... for WHAT??! They are like vampires sucking all the life out of me.. hopefully australia can help put some of that life back.. I hope so...

Now Im empty and tired and wondering if I am doing the right thing...

Users, Losers and goodbyes

Martin: User and loser. Never came by- chose to play golf..again.

So Apartment is clean, and empty, cases packed, Helle comes to take the cats tomrrow, and I fly at ridiculous O clock away from Denmark.

Goodbye Denmark, I will miss you, especially in the summertime when the sun is out and people are happy. I wont miss the people, although some rare people I have met have showed me kindness.

Goodbye Christian, I loved you with all my heart, but I couldnt be what you needed me to be.

Goodbye baby cats, I looked after you as much as I could, I hope you find a new home with people who love you as much as I did.

Goodbye friends, who made my life in Denmark that little bit easier; little brother Piet, Mie with her lovely cakes and my Danish mother Marianne. Marianne you will always be my mother in Denmark, and I hope you and the family will stay in touch and come visit. I have really appreciated the support you gave me when no one else was there, I will miss you. Friends like Doc, who supported me from afar and was nerdy when I needed him to be. Tim, a new friend who I will still miss, and hope to see him again one day.

Goodbye apartment, you sheltered me and kept me safe when I was broken and wounded from my divorce, you have always been light and bright and I enjoyed my time in you.

So now its time to move on, and find out where my new life should start. The last time I started my life over again I built up a nest and hoped to share it with someone special. I made mistakes and lost my security and myself. This time I will find a job and hold onto it, I will definitely not date anyone I work with as I need a job to hold onto. I will have more fun outside rather than bury myself in my nest, and I will do all those things I have been saving to do with someone special, because someone special may not exist and thats a life wasted. Most of all I will not rely on a man to make decisions or take his opinion as truth, because no one knows the truth better than me and I just need to develop the confidence to believe that.

Now to face my achilles heel; the parents......

Picture is me in the park on friday

Falling into place

Not sleeping very well and have the MOST horrendous headache today.

yetserday I said goodbye to my friends Mie and Tim which was a bit sad.

Also Helle called me about the cats and she will pick them up on sunday, look after them for a week and then take them to a good cat home for me when the place is available.

My neighbours are looking after my apartment and looks like they have someone to rent it through august at least if it doesnt sell.

Martin has been flirting and I am almost tempted as I really need to have some fun and let some stress go at the moment! I feel like a can of cola thats been shaken up and I need to release some stress before I go into another stressful situation with my parents, and moving to a new country...!

So just some cleaning and throwing away to do and then all set to leave sunday morning 4am!!

Picture is me on the beach near my apartment with Mie yesterday

Players getting played

So that Christian K guy that I thought was another player, was actually an ok guy..he started seeing a girl a month ago, and just found out she was with other men behind his back. Hes devastated. So women do it too. Why do people treat people like that? Is it because of disturbed upbringings, or fear, or power? Its like you give everything to someone one, and they just kick you in the face. i know how the poor guy feels, god knows Ive been there often enough. Its one of the negative sides to being a nice person, you attract scum. Still at least I could spend some time comforting him, not all women are like that, I guess in the same way all men are not like that. But its hard to trust until you can be sure...

Stressed

So the moving company Møbel transport Danmark , fucked up my removal. Today they fucked up even more and sent some weirdo around. Total incompetence. They guy on the phone seems normal but they guys they send round just scare me. I wouldnt recommend them to my worst enemy. I should have used Holger Dansk- they were nice and efficient and probably a damn site cheaper than these imcompetant fools.

So signed paperwork at estate agent today, went to kommune (who werent very helpful) and ran around like a maniac really. Exhausted.

Tomorrow Mie comes over and I have to go tó the police station. cant remember what else there is to do apart from clean and pack.

Soon be out of this craziness.. straight into more craziness.. and then to the sanity of Perth... woo hoooo

sunday mourning

Booked my flights today. I fly out of Dk on sunday, and out of London on thursday so will be in aus next fridaaay!!

Still got a lot to sort out though

• kommune
• estate agent
• bank
• library
• policestation
• cats

Busy week. So stressed, but my friend Marianne has really been there for me. SHe helped me find a cat home to take my cats (costs 1900!!!) And Shes giving m a ride to the airport even though its 4am!! My parents wouldnt even pick me up, and yet someone not related to me is willing to be sooo kind. I will miss her and her family a lot.

Thinking of having one last drunken cph night with raz on friday... will need a drink after I take my cats to the cat home and before I face my parents.

Had someone call about apartment too so cross fingers for that one!!!

country roads...

Small things keep going wrong. The moving service wasnt good despite the amount of money I paid for it. They kept being moody and saying they hated their job, they rushed the job, threw my possessions into boxes and left stuff behind. They didnt take detailed account of the contents as you have to do for customs, so I ended up doing the job they were paid to do. It really stressed me out.

Pic is me on Friday stressed from the move

SO have to sort out the stuff they left behind, and find a home for the cats and then I can go find a job in a place i hope I belong.

Luke is an amazing guy. He calls me every day to check Im ok, hes interested in what I have to say, he tries to help me as much as possible and hes not scared by me. He even thinks Im beautiful inside and out. I miss him. He always says and does the right things without any coaxing.

Dans great too, hes letting me stay with him in Perth until I get my shit together, which is great as until I sell the flat am living on credit cards.

I feel really blessed to have such good friends, I wish Id had them here, but its worth it to go to Pert when the weather, the people and the place is amazing.

My mother is ill, she does this after we have conversations that upset her. She does it to make me feel guilty or sorry for her. Maybe she doesnt want me to visit.

I just cant wait to get to sunny Perth now.