Sunday, 16 August 2009

Work life balance

Back to work tomorrow... Scared even though managed to turn things around a little at work and become a huge instrument of change on the childrens unit-both by becoming a health and safety rep and making changes that way, and also by being seconded to a seclusion and restraint reduction project and producing a report entitled" In the pursuit of compassionate care- a literature review of multi-sensory approaches to reduce seclusion and restraint and promote mental health on child and adolescent mental health units" I have also been asked to do the annual report on the unit.

Its amazing watching my suggestions being used and becoming a reality. The programme seemed to have been an idea from one person which turned into a cult- not based on any evidence based research at all! So unbelievable and cruel how these children are dealt with - and by employing unskilled workers and indoctrinating them into the ways of "the programme" the cult begins and everyone does what they are told- except of course me- who was taught by her lecturer to question why she does everything and if she doesnt know or its because its always done its probably wrong :)I have a new job in a private hospital for adults. I am not sure whether to take it or whether I can stay in my desk job and make changes from the outside (which seems the only way to do it whilst keeping your sanity!)Back to work on tomorrow and find out whats what....

Also feel like Im living lots of different lives. I have one with Luke. One kind of with Craig, and yet somehow my heart always manages to jump when I hear from Christian. WHO AM I??

I need to decide who or what I want but am so scared of making yet another stupid decision Im paralysed to do anything.

If I stick with Luke I will always be older and wiser and this will always affect me but can we make it through anyway and have a family? If I leave Luke for Craig, do I even like Craig and can I keep him long enough to have a family with him. Why do I even still dream of a family with Christian, who just seems to drink-sms me.

Missing Mie and Marrianne a lot right now, miss having my good female friends, Have made a female friend at work Jenn whos Canadian and we chat mostly about how in love she is. I miss being in Love. I have nothing to write poetry about anymore...
Picture is me on some rocks in Broome, Western Australia last wednesday.

Friday, 14 August 2009


Just been on a 2 week jaunt around western australian outback with Luke and a friend. As much as I said i would try I don't think I can be with Luke. I just don't have time to wait around to see if it works out. Next March Im 34, I want to have a baby, it's getting very late. Why didnt I make it work with those people I left behind in Denmark? Why did I treat them appallingly to be someone who treated me appallingly? To be with Craig would mean yet another compromise. I want to be with someone I love and respect but it seems I am no longer capable of either of these things! Everyone I meet disappoints me. This probably says more about me than them...