Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Self destruction

Feeling stronger, apart from the shoulder injury I picked up at work today, but now I have been signed off sick as unfit to work, so at least can get all my paperwork sorted, if I can write!

Christian told me im the most self destructive person he knows. I know I kinda am. Moving to Australia wasnt the worse thing I could have done, but maybe if Id stuck it out longer in DK I could have worked things out.. anyways je ne regret rien!

I do miss DK, and Christian, and Mie, but in reality I didnt fit into DK, I just dont seem to fit anywhere.

AT least here, Luke cares about me and looks after me, and thats more than Ive probably had in my life.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

In pursuit of happiness

So I realise I have a social phobia. Hate being around people. Especially after that work person basically told me eveyone hates me. Nightmare. Was at a workmates wedding today, and I just couldnt wait to get out of there.

So I have social phobias, Im not a nice person, and I feel like crap. WHAT IS THE POINT OF MY EXISTANCE other than pure torture?

I wonder why Luke puts up with me sometimes.

I am definitely not happy though. Australia is not like I thought it would be, its far too similar to UK and working with all UK people and their miserableness and humour that pokes fun at people is doiing my head in. I MISS DENMARK!! I have realised I am more Danish than english.

I have cut all contact with the other man, not that anything happened but he wanted it to, and to distract myself from my sad life I may have slipped into something I didnt want to do. However now i have absolutely no distraction from the boredom and lonliness of it all.

I miss my computer. My computer is my best friend and fulfills all my needs. I need to work with computers again. Not people.

Stuck here on a visa, I dont have many job options. Oh I do just want to fly away.

My shipment is stuck in customs, My money from my flat is stuck in denmark, The rent from my flat is stuck in my old tenants pocket and I am stuck trying to change the person I am into a person not only I like but people around me like.

Fuck. This is hard.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

What a life

Sorry I havent caught up with you in ages, things have been so busy.

Things with Luke havent been great, and since my birthday when that guy asked me out I have been questioning our relationship.

Work hasnt been great either. As always theres one person who really makes my life difficult, always female, and always above average size.

So needless to say IM not too happy right now.

33, and trapped. Missing Denmark. Not sure if I ever will be able to have kids, or be in a job I love again.

Christian has forgotten about me- he forgot my birthday. (Which by the way the pic is from with my friend Jay) I ever forget anyone, and still think about every single person who has meant somethingto me.

Parents still havent called, but they did send money for my birthday which was a surprise...or was it.

Wish I could run away and go travelling again. Not liking myself or my life right now.

Working in a team of english people and english people are so rude and sarcastic to each other I just cant deal with it.

I just ant seem to get anything in my life right at the moment and wondering whether I should be doing something different.

My shipment arrived from DK this week and my flat sold so thats that chapter of my life closed, which hurts. Havent seen the money for the flat yet though! ALso the guy renting my flat didnt pay the last two months so thats pretty annoying too. PLUS he stole all my things.

I think I am just unlucky, these things never seem to happen to anyone else.