Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Light at the end of the tunnel

Ok feeling more positive at last! The psychic helped in the self fulfilling prophecy kind of way. Sent my CV out and now have an interview on MONDAY at a private psychiatry clinic, which looks pretty nice.

Also anaged to stand up (a bit) for myself against those bullying bitches at work. One such "lady" shoved her way past me, in the office, despite there being ladders around. I just stood still, and said "excuse me!" she yelled out "well you were in my path" and instead of biting it I say "well it was the wrong path" and leave. When I get back she yells at me "have you got a problem?" I say calmly "no, have you?" and she starts ranting about my attitude, so I counter with her attitude and it was silly pushing past me and ladders in the office, to which she yells "its not your office!" So I just tell her shes been ridiculous and walk out.

There is a lot of stress and animosity at the moment on the unit, everyone is breaking down and attacking each other. There are no clear guidelines so everyone thinks theyre right. Its a mess.
ANd its dangerous. Theyve closed off 4 beds but still, it goes against all my morals and teaching to treat children the way they do there.

Tonight is the 90 million dollar lottery.. so far positive thinking is working for me..;)

Sunday, 28 June 2009

Thru the darkness

Have has a very dark month or so.. sooo downa nd not able to come out of it, physically so weak, mentally emotionally weak. Have been trying to keep up on cocacola and chocolate.

Have finally managed to shake Christian from my thoughts. But things with Luke came to a head when I was kissed by other guy. Thinking about it though, this guys lures of wanting children and a life with me may be along the same lines of the stuff I fell for with Danny. Just trying to get me into bed, and while I am initially attracted I dont even know if I like this guy.

Luke is so good and kind, and of course I had to tell him about this. Im not sure what to do. If I stay with Luke my chance of a family will be pretty much gone.

I went to a womens expo on friday and there were lots of fertility clinics there saying after 35 youre pretty much fucked in terms of having children naturally.

Physically Im a mess, my neck back, soul is out of alightment. I also saw a clairvoyant psychic who said I have the gift and should develop it, she said a lot of other stuff about new job new home but Im not sure whether to believe it or she was saying what she knew I wanted to hear. Considering attending a christian spirtualist church. All I know is I need to make myself strong again.

Everything is a mess, and life almost got too unbearable for me, but managed to snap back up a little bit.

The diet, the people here, are just not good for my body or soul. Im too senstive. I need to find a way to get my body and mind feeling positive without caffeine, chocolate, men.

The unit I am working on is too dangerous, they are even thinking of closing it down.

I really really want to take up and just travel again. Run away I guess...