Tuesday, 9 December 2008

I can see pain

I can see peoples pain. It hurts to look at it. The other day was having a barbeque with a group of people and they were talking about schooldays and one said to everyone in general but I suspect to his father that he wouldnt dare do anything wrong because hed be beaten by his grandfather if he did. I heard that, and I am sure everyone heard that, but in typical human style is was ignored. I wanted to say, I know the pain you feel! I know what its like to be unherad and dismissed!! But i too, pretended I didnt hear it :( I see peoples pain everywhere. People crying out for peple to care but the signals going missed and the bubbles brekaing and the hurt in their eyes. I wish i couldnt see all that, because I feel it too, and carry it with me, and I cant do a thing about it.

Im so fricking hormonally on edge right now. Upset by everything and jealous about all. Its like watching a car crash. cant stop it but can see it happening in front of me. Hate PMS. Sooo tired too this month.

Ventured out with a couple of Lukes female friends yesterday. Going to the beach with 20 year olds made me very nervous, but I was relieved to find my body shaped up to it, and was comparably ok next to the 20 year olds, so wasnt too embarassed at all. In fact had quite a nice time, nice to hang out with girls again. I do find I miss Mie.

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Im dreaming...

But unfortunately not of a white christmas :( PMS started yesterday boobs swollen, anxious mood, bad dreams. Stress.

Im stressed about not recieveing the rent from my apartment this month, meaning I have no money.

Im stressed about my nursing licence not yet arriving, and so my visa application will be late.

Im stressed about getting christmas presents for all these people getting them for me, and having no money to do it.

Im stressed about attending parties here but only having one suitcase of clothes and only one dress.

The biggest thing is the loss of trust I have in renting my apartment to a "friend" No contract and no reply to emails and missin rent, and its hard to do anything about it from here :(

The nightmares last night were forceful and plenty, all my fears and worries seem to attack me at this time of the month, and I cant stop it, it attacks in my fricking sleep!!

wondering if I shoul d take some extra vit b, or what I should do, it will only get worse for the next 10 days until period starts....