Saturday, 25 April 2009

In pursuit of happiness

So I realise I have a social phobia. Hate being around people. Especially after that work person basically told me eveyone hates me. Nightmare. Was at a workmates wedding today, and I just couldnt wait to get out of there.

So I have social phobias, Im not a nice person, and I feel like crap. WHAT IS THE POINT OF MY EXISTANCE other than pure torture?

I wonder why Luke puts up with me sometimes.

I am definitely not happy though. Australia is not like I thought it would be, its far too similar to UK and working with all UK people and their miserableness and humour that pokes fun at people is doiing my head in. I MISS DENMARK!! I have realised I am more Danish than english.

I have cut all contact with the other man, not that anything happened but he wanted it to, and to distract myself from my sad life I may have slipped into something I didnt want to do. However now i have absolutely no distraction from the boredom and lonliness of it all.

I miss my computer. My computer is my best friend and fulfills all my needs. I need to work with computers again. Not people.

Stuck here on a visa, I dont have many job options. Oh I do just want to fly away.

My shipment is stuck in customs, My money from my flat is stuck in denmark, The rent from my flat is stuck in my old tenants pocket and I am stuck trying to change the person I am into a person not only I like but people around me like.

Fuck. This is hard.


Steve said...

I don't think you have a social phobia as such, just a dislike of arrogant people. You have said before that you like other people around, so I guess it's just the comments and attitudes of certain people you work with and meet, although I could be wrong (I usually am).

Having a visa doesn't mean you HAVE to stay there, you could try other jobs there or anywhere else if you really want to.

I would love to say come back to the UK and I'd help where I can but I know from what you have said previously that you don't like it here lol, neither do I if I am to be honest, I preferred Malta. At the end of the day, regardless of where you go, you need to be happy with where you are. I know it is easy to say (well it is for me) but why not go back to Denmark, it seems that from all your posts that you have been happier there than anywhere else ?

Computers - as per my last post, best things to work with, if you get annoyed with them you can smash them to pieces and get another one lol, unlike people that. Much easier to get on with, don't talk back (well, within reason)and you can replace them if you don't like them.

The "Point of your existence" is a hard one, mine is to live, screw up anything I can before I die and suffer till then, but your's is different. I'm not sure that we are here for any particular reason other than to learn and do what we can to survive. I wish that I could do something to help but apart from talking to you on here I don't know what else I can do. I am pleased that you post here and it is nice to know that you read the crap I post back so if that is a help then I am pleased.

Chin up sweetie, keep your head high and do what you feel is right for you. I hope ( with all my heart) that things start to turn around for you and get better.

Hope to catch up with you again soon

Steve x x

Angel said...

Thanks Steve, I read everything, and appreciate it all!