Have has a very dark month or so.. sooo downa nd not able to come out of it, physically so weak, mentally emotionally weak. Have been trying to keep up on cocacola and chocolate.
Have finally managed to shake Christian from my thoughts. But things with Luke came to a head when I was kissed by other guy. Thinking about it though, this guys lures of wanting children and a life with me may be along the same lines of the stuff I fell for with Danny. Just trying to get me into bed, and while I am initially attracted I dont even know if I like this guy.
Luke is so good and kind, and of course I had to tell him about this. Im not sure what to do. If I stay with Luke my chance of a family will be pretty much gone.
I went to a womens expo on friday and there were lots of fertility clinics there saying after 35 youre pretty much fucked in terms of having children naturally.
Physically Im a mess, my neck back, soul is out of alightment. I also saw a clairvoyant psychic who said I have the gift and should develop it, she said a lot of other stuff about new job new home but Im not sure whether to believe it or she was saying what she knew I wanted to hear. Considering attending a christian spirtualist church. All I know is I need to make myself strong again.
Everything is a mess, and life almost got too unbearable for me, but managed to snap back up a little bit.
The diet, the people here, are just not good for my body or soul. Im too senstive. I need to find a way to get my body and mind feeling positive without caffeine, chocolate, men.
The unit I am working on is too dangerous, they are even thinking of closing it down.
I really really want to take up and just travel again. Run away I guess...