Im never happy. I have no exciting conversations, Im not particularly interesting, Im not funny, and I dont really like being around people, becuase I am scared and ashamed to be around them. Im just not good enough.
I dont have children, I dont have anything of any realy value, I dont have a family...
So when put against Lukes sister, who is confident, well dressed,beautiful, outgoing, the life and soul of the party I feel inadequate. And her weedy, yet strangely full of himself boyfriend really annoys me.
DOnt get me wrong, I love his sister , everyone loves his sister, shes a lovely person. But I am extremely jealous that she can be who she wans and get what she wants and acts perfectly all the time, whereas I am a constant misery and no fun to be around at all.
Im not nice to live with, my mood changes a lot and I cry a lot. I get upset because Luke doesnt do little things to show he cars, like remember valentines or buy me flowers or anything.
And maybe I overcompensate by buying him things all the time, because although I love him I know deep down that Im not totally in love with him.
SOmetimes I feel I just want my life to stop, I cant go on being me anymore, and its just too hard to change.
WHY CANT I BE HAPPY.