Friday, 15 May 2009

Petrified heart

Luke is very understanding about the way I feel. He knows that I love him but hes too young for me, and although it hurts him accepts that I may need more. This level of maturity and acceptance makes me love him more, and although I am not in love, my repect for him grows.

The other guy wants me and shows an admirable endurance. But I just dont know about him.

And then theres Christian. I have never stopped loving him or thinking about him, and I dont know why and I sont know when it will stop. Even Andrew didnt take this long to get over WTF?! This could be why I am unable to love anyone else.

I need help. Ive been saying it a lot but now I do... a psychologist or buddhism or scientology something to help me figure myself out and give me back my confidence.

Im scared of everything and I need that to stop.

Have a work do tomorrow and Im petrified. The girl whos been bullying me is going to be there and Im so scared.


Anonymous said...

Hi Angle, read your blog. I suggest you read a book that can give some insight. Its called Dianetics: Modern Science of Mental Health. It can give you a lot of answers and understanding. Then you your self can decide from there where you want to go.

ml, Lars

Steve said...

Respect for someone is one thing, loving someone is another, but being in love is totally different. You don't have to settle for anyone unless you want to spend the rest of your life with then in a capacity that you would be happy with. I or any one else can't tell you who or why someone is good for you, but I wish you well with any decision you make and hope that in time you will feel better about yourself.

When things change and things improve for you, work, relationship, things that cause to to feel afraid of others, you will look back and see how much better life is compared to the past. As for the work do, it is not compulsory to attend, but if you did, I hope things went ok for you and nothing bad came along.

I don't know if this will help in any way but might be worth a look you never know, you might find something there you could try.

Thinking of you always,


Angel said...

Thanks Lars, been looking into Dianetics... Steve that article was fantastic, so much so have sent it to lots of people (including the bully!) Thanks for your words, mean so much to me, thanks for taking the time to write and help me :)

Steve said...


If you find anything in what I say helps then you are most welcome.