Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Idiot Child

I feel like such an idiot. Trying to sort these bills out is driving me crazy. Thankfully my friend is helping me out, but I realise now just how awful I am with numbers. I always knew I was numerically dyslexic and better with words than numbers but having it shoved in my face makes me feel really pathetic. Not to mention all this craziness could have been avoided. So now I owe lots of money and my tenant is on my back for her deposit back.. which I am trying to work out fairly. Sometimes it feels like Im in a pressure cooker, and its always when Im PMSIng that that happens... Maybe if I wasnt PMSIng Id be able to handle it all a lot better instead of being crushed by it all. But coming "home" finding out my "friends arent really my friends, that my ex boyfriend cant be nice, that I cant get through the danish bureacracy, that I cant actually speak danish anymore, that I cant even get out of here and back to somewhere where I belong, is all driving me crazy. along with the PMDD, and the bad hair. On top of all this my internet is down, so I am completely isolated.

At he same time I realise how lucky I am with my friend mark taking the bills over and working it all out for me. I realise how lucky I am that I have the opportunity to escape, that I escaped from someoen who didnt love me, and found someone who does. How lucky I am that I can travel, that somewhere in the world someone does care about me, even if its not here. That Im lucky enough to have this opportunity to enjoy life whilst I can.

Counting my blessings. Deep breath. Im absolutely haemorraging money right now. I really hope someone somewhere helps me put my house on the market soon.

I also have to stop caring about those people who dont care about me, and start caring about the ones that prove to me time and time again they do.


Doc Nielsen said...

I do!
I do care!
I only wish you the best, sweety. If you need a shoulder, mine is always ready. If you need to cry, let my shirt catch the tears. If you need a hug, my arms are wide open.

You need to rely on your friends, not depend on them. Trust in yourself, hold your head high, and everything will work out, one way or the other.
You cannot stop the world from turning, but you can stop it from getting on your nerves.
Trust me on this, you life has only just begun. Shed the old skin, and put your best foot forward with a smile.
Enjoy life, and life will let it self be enjoyed.

... did that make any sence?

Anonymous said...

Noo Angel!! :-(
do not leave us!!
and write us more about your life!
I miss already your news!!