Australia

I am not sure how I am doing. Things have suddenly gotten on top of me and I find I am somewhat overwhelmed. Dan got back on Thursday, and hes been great about me staying here, and giving me advice and stuff but I just dont know what to do or how to act, I want to be helpful but I dont want to get in his way, and I certainly dont want to outstay my welcome. Its been a while since I lived with someone else, but Dan seems pretty easy to live with, for a boy :) I do feel immense guilt that I cant pay him for staying but I am trying to make myself useful where I can instead.

Couple of job leads, nothing definite and that leaves me up in the air a bit- have to leave the country by October and re enter.,,this makes me feel nervous and unsettled.

Luke has been very sweet and kind but there is also a sense of pressure from him. I cant even think about relationships of any kind at the moment until I have sorted my life out and can settle down. I dream though, about the day I can have my own place again and a car and a dog..

Another disappointment- trying to learn to drive again. The cars are so big here, and the steering wheel is on the otherside of the car and they drive on the other side of the road. Also the roads seem so dark as there isnt much lighting at night. So it would seem I am so far unsafe to drive. I am looking into driving lessons, the public transport is ok but not great,,,

Australians are sweet, old fashioned people. I like it, and miss the hardness of the danes at the same time. The other day I was sitting on a wall waiting for my ride and a guy walked past me, stopped, walked back and said "excuse me, I dont suppose youd like to go for a coffee with me would you?" I declined but had I been in the mood he would have gotten extra brownie points for effort, especially as he turned back and went the way hed come and then turned around again and said " so...defiinately no then...?" :)

Im having an ugly week this week, cant stand the way I look, or feel Im decrepit. Think Im just feeling run down.. gotta get back up there and ride the horse again. It has now been 6 months since i worked, and Im almost out of money, especially as I got another 4000kr electricty bill!! They think its from when my tenant was there...grrrr. I want to use my brain again and feel useful. Its also a year tomorrow that Christians mum died. I think more about his dad though, its so hard losing someone, but to death....that hurts more than the harshest of physical pains.

I gotta stop regretting my decisions and try and get m life back on track again... no more dating bosses or letting men rule and ruin my life. I really need to settle down soon.

And if any of you readers who dont know me, accidentally find me in real life, please dont be upset if I dont reveal my whole self to you. My blog is very open, and whilst I like to hear how you enjoy reading it and appreciate your following and your support, I am still quite a private person-in my real life. You know who you are, write here though and I will of course reply everytime ;)