Ok so we know that Im ..slightly dysfunctional... but one of my major hurdles is jealousy and well trust. When I get jealous flames rise up inside me and I become irrational. The crazy thing is my jealous intuition is normally right... Christian fucking Mia, My ex husband running off with someone from work etc etc.. all correctly forseen by me. Is that a self fulfilling prophecy, do I try to hard to stop it happening that the very thing I fear happens because of me?
When I feel rejected an enormous anger rides out at me, self hatred, self loathin comes slithering on out, that I fear even to begin a relationship for fear of rejection and all these powerful overwhelming and uncontrollable feelings. Especially when I am insecure anyway.
How can you ever have a relationship without this trust and faith in people, that I so severely lack? I so want people to be and do the right thing but they always let me down, always.