Thursday, 28 August 2008

Bad Dreams

The nightmares are back. Woke up screaming this morning. All I remember was there was a huge party,, and a big house where I had bedroom, and two girls asked to see m room and then wouldnt leave. When they did leave they tried to break the door down from the outside after I slid the lock accross, onlly stopping when I yelled they would have to pa for any damage. When theyd gone I discovered the door didnt shut properly anymore. Also Christian was downstairs in an office but wasnt a central character, he was just there.

I remember from my Jungian/Freudian dream analysis training that rooms and houses are yourself. I woke up sceaming with my heart beating. And why was christian in the background??

I mean obviously I miss him but I would have hoped I would be over him by now.

And who were the girls?? Other parts of my inner psyche`?

Also the PMS started again yesterday... eating huge quantaties of food, sore breasts.. crying :(

I went to Lukes house for dinner with his family and it overwhelmed and upset me. I feel like I dont fit in anywhere, I dont know the rules for australia yet, I dont know what to say or what jokes to make. ARGH I hate this part of being in a foreign country. It took me long enough to learn the rules in denmark.

This is where I feel autistic and helpless. Im not naturally comfortable with people... having been locked in a bedroom during the years I was supposed to learn how to socialise. So I learn what to say what people laugh at, but Im still stuck on danish social rules and they dont apply here.

I feel like such a fuck up.


Doc Nielsen said...

well, look on the bright side...
You're a cute stupid fuckup.
I hope you get it sorted, sweety. You deserve some good nights sleep in the arms of someone you love.

I wish that for the both of us...

Harrier said...

Dreams, some believe they mean something, some don't. Personally, most of mine are bad but I have only ever had one come true, and that was a really bad one. Over activity in the mind plays tricks on us all, so maybe you need something to help you relax and wind down at the end of the day. Soft lights, soft music, nice hot drink and maybe a soak in the tub.

People that used to mean something will always have a place in your heart & in your dreams, sometimes I wish they didn't but we don't get the choice :S

And as for you being a "Fuck up" well meet the biggest one of the lot, ME! I think being a fuck up is just part of normal life to be honest, there are so many of us out here so welcome to the family.

If you want to make them laugh then all you would need to do is show them a picture of me :D no jokes needed.

Do not worry about rules for this & rules for that, let people accept you for who you are and not what you know about their rules, rules are and always have been made for breaking no matter where you live and anyone that makes you stick to them is just sad.

Hope you are feeling better about all this seeing it is about 2 days since you posted. Take care and enjoy yourself, don't spend all your time worrying. x