Saturday, 13 September 2008

Where Angels fear tread..

Went down south last weekend, got over the cold and the pms and had a great weekend at wineries and choccy factories :)

Two weeks until I go to New Zealand- got a place on the nursing update course so in 4 weeks will have a current practice cert and can work as a nurse!! Im getting desperate for money now, apartment still not selling so really need to find a job asap. Only thing is the course and flights cost $$$$ so out come the credit cards...dangerous ground.

Everytime I speak to Christian I feel crap, all he seems to miss is the sex, not me. Why am I so drawn to him?? Damn my heart.

Luke is so much more, and yet however much he loves me isnt enough. I am a broken person.

I cant wait to be settled and feel whole and human again, I feel so much in limbo its making me wobbly and nervous.

Last week I spent a couple of days at Lukes parents home, his family are so lovely and kind to me it makes me feel lonely not to have a family. I know it doesnt make sense but Id rather not spend time with them then bring out feelings like that.

Maybe when Im less in limbo I can deal with my feelings better.

So nz..Im sharing a dorm which will be weird, I have two weeks theory and two weeks practice... I hope I can pass the exams and start to find a life for myself again!!


Harrier said...

Hi Angel,

Glad you have got over the cold, they can cause a real downer sometimes. Wine & choccy sounds great, just don't put too many pounds on :D

Great news for you to have the course so best of luck and I'm sure you will pass, just have faith in yourself.

Christian, Christian, Christian, you must really stop this form of punishment, yes, the sex might have been great but at the end of the day it is your life that is getting messed up. Life shouldn't revolve around what has been or could be, you need to make it what you want it to be sweetheart.

BTW, love the photo, that chick looks lovely, and very lucky to be held in hour hands :D Maybe you should hold your whole world like that, carefully but at the same time, with pride, just as your face shows whilst holding a tiny baby.

Families are a good thing, but on the other hand they can spread sadness as well as joy, and while you are vulnerable you will find them harder to be with. I'm sure as things settle slowly this will get easier.

I must go now as I have to get up for work in 5 hours, but remember this, my thoughts will be with you as you progress. Al the best for the training and wish you well.


Angel said...

Thanks Steve :)