Ok so we know that Im ..slightly dysfunctional... but one of my major hurdles is jealousy and well trust. When I get jealous flames rise up inside me and I become irrational. The crazy thing is my jealous intuition is normally right... Christian fucking Mia, My ex husband running off with someone from work etc etc.. all correctly forseen by me. Is that a self fulfilling prophecy, do I try to hard to stop it happening that the very thing I fear happens because of me?
When I feel rejected an enormous anger rides out at me, self hatred, self loathin comes slithering on out, that I fear even to begin a relationship for fear of rejection and all these powerful overwhelming and uncontrollable feelings. Especially when I am insecure anyway.
How can you ever have a relationship without this trust and faith in people, that I so severely lack? I so want people to be and do the right thing but they always let me down, always.
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Everyday lamentation from Angel- as a source of coping in an otherwise lonely and unforgivable world.
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About Me
- Angel
- I'm a Grace Kelly in the wrong era, the character in the movie that you identify with but who doesn't fit in the real world. I'm a real woman with real mood swings. I feel, I love, I laugh, I cry, and I talk through movies. I require loving, understanding and forgiving, and in return give those and much more. I'm intelligent but not sharp, I'm sensitive but not soft, I am tough but not chewy. I am a chocoholic, an ice cream addict and skip proper meals, although I love to cook, and I am quite good at it. I have no interest in how drunk you got or who you vomited over. I am playful and love children, although don't have any yet. Horror stories scare me, black humour makes me laugh out loud. I laugh at my own jokes and groan at yours. I am always right but trying to change that. I write songs and sometimes record them. My lyrics and poetry can be viewed here: http://www.myspace.com/AngelIM I am a caterpillar in a cocoon and hope to be a butterfly soon. Who are you...?
5 comments:
Start to trust people and let them into your heart.
what he said.
I for one have never been a cheater, never let anything get in the way of a relationship, and i loathe the people who disrespect the people they claim to love.
Angel,
Jealousy is not always caused by one's self, more often than not it is caused by other people and their actions. I have been on both sides and have seen what it can do and sometimes it is not very nice.
Take it one step at a time and do what you feel is right for you and not others, you look like a lovely person and from what I have read you sound great. You will find things easier as you get older and realize what others influences have upon yourself.
I wish you all the best for your suture and I will keep reading over time.
Take care of yourself.
Harrier
Hey Harrier, thanks for your comments and advice- much appreciated. I hope you do keep reading and commenting.. need all the help I can get :)
Take Care
Angel x
You're welcome Angel, it is a shame life has to be like it is, if we could all have a good life then I think things would be totally impossible. Shame really, but that is how people make it.
It is nice to see someone uses a blog to it's full potential, keep it up.
Might even talk with you on MSN one day.
Just make sure that you look after yourself first before others.
Harrier
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