Friday, 25 April 2008

Death of a salesman

And I thought I had it hard to find a mate! Was chatting to my new Balinese friend Agung and she has it really hard. Not only is she expected to find someone who lives on Bali BUT they also have to be the same caste as her! Needle in a haystack! So guess I am pretty lucky I have the whole world to choose from.

Wait a minute though, choice isn't necessarily a good thing. I mean I keep picking people who are bad for me. I seem to be attracted to people who are bad for me, they intrigue me, draw me in, even though I know they won't look after me or my feelings, and will only think about themselves and their world. These people are rich and powerful mostly, they are highly intelligent salesmen, with silver tongues, who speak about wanting children and settling down and yet don't act like it.

These people fall in love with me without even knowing me, and they think they love me with a passion. Something I have learned about that passion though, is that it soon dies out, and what is left. When these boys get to know the real me, the chase is over and they are gone. No, in a mate I want comfortableness and comfort, intelligence has now fallen on my list although an IQ of over 70 would be nice. I want someone who compliments my qualities, with whom I feel safe. My wild days of sharing poetry or amazing music staying up til the early hours talking and being fascinated by a man with so much over confidence and testosterone, hoping that one day he will show me the love I need, I hope, are over. Someone who gives me what I need, and not just talks about it, someone prepared to go that extra mile to show me I'm worth it.

Just hope I don't fall for the wrong ones again. I think though, now that I am not desperately in need of affection that I would sell out to get it. I am attracted to testosterone though, men with weaknesses, femininity tend to turn me off, yet the other end is aggressiveness, which I have had enough of too. No, the man should do the running, of that I'm sure. But he won't have to run too much, just enough for me to know it's real. A man with integrity and sincerity, with honesty and loyalty.

Now I know what I need..where do I find him? Or does he find me...?


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you know what you finally want or need? Is that the same for you now?
Im sure you know of a man who want to give you what you want or at least try the best he can.
One who will always love you for who you are and not what he thinks you are.
One that is just content in being with you and finds plessure in just looking at you.
He is out there. Im sure of it.

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

Deleted this once due to spelling....
Speaking as man with integrity and sincerity, honesty and loyalty I feel I can pass comment on this.
I do hope that when you re-read this post you can see that you are most certainly heading in the right direction.
Why? Well you actually sound confident and assured in the fact that you know what you want. Importantly I think you also are confident about what you dont want anymore.
Real-ationships ((c) Dan 2008 )shouldn't be about money, or personal success, or power. They should be about respecting one another, partnering one another, and being responsible for one another. These essential characteristics you mention are critical for me aswell.
But you have found all this out for yourself now, stay strong and the person will find you....
I also believe that the right person for you will want to listen to your poetry, will want to share and talk about music. These are huge parts of your life, and part of what make you such an amazing woman.. Respect x

Anonymous said...

Hi Angel, Shyhuy again.
The main thing is you have identified what you are not after, now you have to convince your heart of this when the time comes.
There are a lot of fakers out there but look at how they act and how their life is set up instead of what they say. If they want kids and to settle down they will have their house in order for that to happen (not like the batchelor pad or party house).IQ is important but so is warmth,honesty and sincerity. You sound like you are well on your way to where you want to be in your life. The quiet ones that you catch glancing at you when they think you are not watching (not the perves) are a lot more real than the salesmen.
I am sure they will find you if you look and listen to your heart and your head.
Warm Regards And Best Wishes xxx