I suppose it's my own fault. Lining up potential dates before I got home. Now I have a ridiculous amount of suitors to date when I get back to Denmark, not to mention those amazing people I have met in other parts of the world. I am actually scared of dating. What if I choose the wrong guy AGAIN and get my heart broken AGAIN??
All the guys I know seem very sweet, and wise, and fun, but what about when reality strikes? When they get whiff of depression or get to know the real me? Will they disappear? And where do I want to be? What if I meet a guy in Denmark and then decide Australia is really for me? And what if I go to Australia and with a guy and it doesn't work out? What if they read this blog and think I'm crazy?
On one hand it would be fun to have lots of dates again, but on the other I kind of want to settle down now. And most of the dates are younger than me, successful men in their prime, with their own businesses and careers, a few of them are vocal about ready to have kids and a few are still a bit young and want to travel the world, although maybe I could go with them..
I wanted to think that if I met the right man everything would fall into place.. maybe this is still true, but I have seemed to meet a lot of right men in my travels and yet nothing is as yet falling into place.
The fortune teller in the Phillippines said that I would marry someone younger than me, so now I am not ruling out younger men (before I would have run a mile) But how young is too young? Does it make me a cougar to date someone younger than me? Demi Moore can do it right? Is ten years too much of an age gap? five? What if I end up with someone ten years younger than me, will I always be wondering if they wanted someone younger? If theyd sowed their wild oats enough? If I was looking old and wrinkly next to them and their young friends?If I would have time to have a baby?
Yep. Dating isn't easy, especially at my age when biological clocks are a dynamic. I mean I love running around having fun without responsibility but I do one day want to have my own kids and I dont want that to pass me by. I guess there are people like Nicol Kidman who are having their first babies in their 40's, but look at the complications that can be involved in that!
Still theres always medical science to help out in such dilemmas:
If I wanted just a baby it probably wouldn't be hard to get one, but the thing is I want a loving family- the whole package..which seems a bit harder....
Am I even ready for that?