Friday, 4 April 2008

Melancholy baby

Oh no its starting again. I can feel it coming on. The destructable feelings of hoplessness, fear, regret. Inability to live in the moment. Thinking too much. It's pms time again.

Having such a great time in Australia I dont want to leave. I cannot bear to contemplate moving on again. I just feel like Im home. I hate being at the wrong place at the wrong time. It always seems to be the wrong time. Whenever I find true happiness I always have to walk away from it. Why?! I feel truly happy here in the 2 and a a bit weeks Ive been here. Time has gone so quick. I know I have to think about my next destination, booking flights etc etc.. but being here feels normal and right and homely. Maybe its because of the people, maybe its becasue it feels so familiar- its very similar to england here. maybe beacuse its such a beautiful sunny place. Whatever it is I must leave it all behind and head back to the other side of the world to see what awaits me there. I wonder where I will be in a year from now. If you told me last year I would be here I would have laughed. but here I am, jobless, homeless and loving it.

Been looking at getting back into my nursing career, it seems my skills are required over here, so you never know. I guess i will find out what I want when I get home again....

I still wish someone would just say to me. This is where you should be: here with me.

Picture is City Beach, Perth.


Anthony said...

I would like to share with you the famous poem Desiderata, which is an inspirational poem about attaining happiness in life. I find it a source of strength when am in these types of situations (trying to strive for happiness). I am sure you will find your happiness wherever you will seek it.

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Anonymous said...

Hey....already told you so ;-)

Come back to DK, lets get married and then move to australia and raise our kids ;-)

Enjoy each day for the day it is - for tomorrow will be just as good :-)

Keep smiling...

Anonymous said...

Hey Angel,

There is no need to worry! Dust off your fears -you are on the right track. Even in bad/moody times you just have enjoy the moments and let your spirit,soul and mind come forward ;o)

The next day or whenever will be in balance and you will know what to do with yourself -whereever you are.


Read some OSHO...books!

Kiddio88 XOX

Anonymous said...

Someone díd say it to you and actually meant it. But maybe its that wrong time and place that gets in the way all the time.
Its good that you enjoy your life for once. Australia might be the right place for you. Home is where your heart is :-)