Saturday, 7 June 2008
June 7th is always a bad day for me. It is my wedding anniversary. I feel sad on this day, but add pms, luke leaving, further rejection and the day isnt good. Stayed in bed all day on internet. Not sure what I would have done without this outlet. I got a happy anniversary email from the ex husband (??) But although I am sad about our marriage, I have managed to block him from my heart. Unfortunately Christian is in there, and of course he doesnt want to be. Nor do I want him there. Why of all people is HE there when theres a wonderful guy willing to give me anything and love me whatever, wanting to be in there. What is WRONG with me? This day last year I ended up with Oliver who I thought was an amazing james Bond type but he lives abroad and isnt looking for serious... he has a lot of women I think. I did talk to him about Christian though- I got an sms the other day that he was in town, but Im pretty sure all he wants is cheap thrills. Pretty much all anybody wants from me... except Luke, who really seems to love me. Maybe thats his downfall. How can I respect anyone stupid enough to love me?