Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Where do I belong`?

Perhaps I am destined to be a nomad- travelling the world forever. I have jobs in NZ and AU but am missing visas and lots and lots of paperwork. In Australia I will have to leave the country to apply so I will be travelling again. Should I go back to denmark? My apartment is rented out to december and then it will be empty.. my things are in storage with the completely useless moving company møblerdansk (NEVER use them) So I have with me a suitcase and a laptop- the laptop being more important... not sure I would mind too much if I mislaid my suitcase but now my laptop is my life again. So... in denmark I have Marianne, Mie..and I didnt see much of them when I was there. In Australia I have Luke and his amazing family who are so kind and wonderful to me. In Nz I have..a job offer.. In Uk I have a messed up family that I hardly speak to. SO... Australia looks like a good option... if they let me in. I dont deserve Luke. He is so wonderful to me, the perfect guy, and yet I am no good for him, older, cynical, heartbroken... what does the guy see in me??!! Do you think I will ever be able to settle down, have the child that I wanted for so long and lost, be able to enjoy my life? For the past year I have just been wanderinig around the world waiting for someone to say you belong here. But all people say is- its up to you. I am beginning to wonder if I really belong anywhere in this world, whether I deserve to be anywhere in this world.... I think Im depressed.

1 comment:

Harrier said...

Angel sweetheart,

You are wanted in lots of places, and all for different reasons. Yes, no one will ever tell you that you BELONG somewhere, because no one would ever make someone stay somewhere they wouldn't want to stay or do something they wouldn't want to do. If they did then that would be totally unfair on you.

As for Luke, he sees everything you don't see, as in your beauty, personality, kindness etc, and one day you will see these things in yourself too. A for a child, there is no reason why you couldn't have one at some time, with your knowledge & experience from different parts of the world & different cultures I am sure you would make a great mother.

To say you are depressed is such a big thing to say, unless you know it to be so. Thinking it is one thing, being it is a totally different thing all together & I really hope that you are not (bin there, done that, not good :s)

Got to finish here as I have to get out to work, but will check back later, take care sweetie.