Saturday, 9 February 2008

Rather not know

Pattaya, a different world. Women wearing next to nothing, attached to their fat balding white male counterparts... I have learned a lot about thai girls, and basically theyre in it for the money, and theyre happy about it. Thats fine but there are many bitter fat balding white guys here sitting alone cursing having ever gotten themselves involved. What do you expect?

Anyway Richard-the son of a buddhist nun has kindly been showing me around, although haven't seen much as I have still been really ill. it the bullet and went to the doctors this morning. I have raised white blood count, a fever and swollen lymph nodes. Do you wish to stay in hospital to find out if you have lymphoma madam, only 20.000 baht. No thank you, Id rather not know and carrying on thinking its a baterial infection, give me a shot of antibiotics my good lady and I will be on my way.

Thai hospitals are pretty well run though, and very smart too I must say! They took my bloods really well (most cant find my veins) and the results were back in 30mins. Speedy. Still with no one to support me, I would rather keep on travelling then be submitted to tests and radiation alone in a hospital. And anyway its bloody expensive, and probably a bacterial infection anyway. Will find out when I get back I guess...
The picture is me in hospital robes having a chest xray- chest clear, broncioles inflamed(see, bacteria I tells you!)
Although the other option would explain why I keep getting sick all the fricking time. Im ignoring all sickness from now on (if I can) Gotta get on with life and finding enlightenment.
Talked to the buddhist nun and she told me to look up in the sky and ask for what I want, and that if I just ask the universe will give. She said to imagine a light in my heart that grows and touches other people. And she said be kind to people and have kind thoughts. I dont have kind thoughts, I have angry thoughts but I am trying to put all that behind me now.
Regrets? I have a few. Dating and falling in love with my boss was a bad move (yes Thomas I know you TOLD me...) Quitting my job wasnt wise. Letting Mia get to me, not great. Treating the men who showed me love badly, terrible. Being suspicious and untrusting not good.
All this lead me to where I am now. Alone. If I were a guy would I find myself a thai girl? probably not, what I want is real. But now I have resigned myself to realising that it's too late. It's just too late.


Anonymous said...

It's never too late... ;-)

Good to see you erased the comment about stopping this blog and moving it elsewhere - would hate to miss reading your comments. And

I do sure hope you change your mind about not returning to Denmark - we are many that would love to put a smile on your beautiful face again. :-)

Hopefully this will find you doing better so you can enjoy your travelling and focusing on the positive things in your life and those to come... ;-)

Take care...and hopefully see you soon.


Anonymous said...

Its never to late. Keep seeking joy nad learn from your mistakes. The perfect guy will be there for you when you least expect it.
Thinking of you.