Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Emotionally deceased

So I was doing ok.. I get someone call about the apartment, get myself excited and then they call back and cancel... disappointment. Im under a lot of stress trying to sell all my stuff and get out of here.

Selling all my furniture now so I send a mail out to all my friends. Get a reply from christian that he wants to buy my duvet (even though its not on the list) So I think yeah let him have it he enjoyed it and my english pillows and I need to lessen the load so i say he can have it with all the bedlinen and pillows for 500dk. Then he keeps firing questions at me.. how much bedlinen with it, is it washable etc etc And then Im taken back to when we shared that duvet together... When he smsed me in Vietnam, told me hed bought a bed for us, and said maybe thats where wed make out first baby together.

It seems however much I push it back Im still not over losing that baby. Its just all come back, being in vietnam, bleeding, being at the doctors, all the tests and scans and the IV antibiotics. And it hurts. More than anything. Its like being shot with a gun through the chest. But I am alone with all this pain and guilt, as usual. Still I suppose its better than being alone with a child. But what if I never have another chance?

I should probably see someone about it, and I will as soon as I get to Australia, theres no one in Denmark I can talk to. Least of all christian. I do need to sort it all out in my head and heart though.

The selfish git just wants to be comfortable. He didnt even mean it to annoy me, he is just selfish and arrogant and emotionally deceased.

The guy is for some reason afraid of intimacy with a woman, and in a way I feel sorry for him, something must have happened to make him this way, or maybe he is just a psychopath.

Anyway trying to lock all the emotions down again. Id rather take the damn duvet then have to see him again anyway. Just dont need that kind of hassle.

1 comment:

anna.majnoona said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, and whilst you were in a foreign country as well. I can't begin to imagine how painful it must have been, and I think you'd be doing yourself a favour by finding someone you can trust to talk to about it all. xxx