Saturday, 19 January 2008

Broken things stay broken

Another thing I can't do is talk to my self. Well I can, but it sounds a bit strange. Today I feel very sad. I have been alone the last couple of days thinking, and with not much food left in the house. This is a dangerous combination, and combined with soppy movies about love, is heading for a sure disaster. So who do I turn to for comfort? I turned to Christian, but he doesn't want to hear my pain. He only wants to hear the good things. It's not easy this self develpment stuff, I feel I am on the edge a lot, with no support from anyone. Maybe I will blow all my savings and then do a virginia woolf.

Things look bleak, I'm terried, of now and the future. I don't know how I will cope with no job, Im fucking scared to death. And the reality is that it's not all going to be ok and there is no happy ever after to look forward to. Just more emptiness and sorrow, and I'm not sure that I am prepared to go through that anymore.


Anonymous said...

You need to make a plan. Things will go your way you just have to belive in yourself and the plan you make.
wish there was something I could do but its just to late.

Krest Nisso said...

Well, You decided to make a journey. You decided to have a clean break from where you were and a fresh sight upon things. The journey has stopped for awhile, but it sounds to me, that the time you needed/wanted is available. A journey isn't like math, 2+2 doesn't equal 4. (usually not all the way around, anyways)
When one works, one asks for time off, and when one got time, one asks for something to do with it.. Ironic, but paints a clear picture of us humans(and our lives), it's vague, cryptic and inconclusive. It's Enigmatic.
Like the first time in a rollercoaster. Sometimes your upside down, sometimes it's goes steady for awhile, other times your blind in the dark never knowing what comes next. Then when it's your 5th time in a row, and you know what's behind the next corner, your still gonna ride it, because the "you" is somewhere else each time.. as in life.
People often ask me "what's the meaning of life...?" I always tell them that it's life itself, from the moment of birth untill the moment of death.(they always tell me they could've come up with that answer themselves. I guess they missed the point..). If one try too hard to find it, one wont find it. Think of it as lying on your doorstep each morning :)

Best of luck with your journey Angel