Friday, 18 January 2008

Out of love

"It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."

I have at last recieved the message loud and clear that he doesn't want me. That he can't handle me, and that there is no place in his life for me. So now I have to try and fall out of love and get on with my life. The song "falling out of love" by John Denver springs to mind.

So how does one fall out of love? The advice I have found so far is:

1.Control your thoughts. Apparently,women have a tougher time than men, handling a breakup. Not only does the guy go, so goes the pleasant fantasies, idyllic imaginings, the possible futures. Yes, for women, 75 percent of a breakup is divorcing your thoughts and expectations- things that, in all likelihood, bore a loose relationship to reality anyway.

2.Make new friends. Sadness sets in your soul, and you miss your former flame in a way you never thought possible. You miss them in the morning, you miss them in the evening, you miss them... all over the place. Because of this, friends find reasons to avoid you- the thought of another possible sighting, the sound of one more lovelorn sigh. You're on your own.

3.Cut the negativity. The media assists the demise of a relationship. It's those fairy tale shows that set impossibly high standards. Perfect hair, perfect life, perfect career by 26. Married by 28 (at the latest) two perfect kids by 30 (even then, you're coming in just under the wire). We women think this is the only schedule that matters- no alterations allowed. We're fooled into having impossibly high expectations of our relationships thanks to movies, TV, and music. Watching romance movies, listening to romantic songs will only make matters worse.

4. Find Spirituality . The bible, Quaran, Buddhist literature all have musing about broken and empty souls. I'm not the first to have a broken heart, and it helps to realise this.

5. Love yourself. The most difficult, I'm not sure how to do this one, but I'm going to start by taking the landmark course and see where that leads me.

So hopefully travelling will help get him out of my head and heart. I have no interest in love, or men at all right now, so there is no immediate danger I will fall again, which is also a shame. Maybe one day I will fall in love again, but I don't think that will be anytime soon.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You have been there a few times now and im sure you will be there again. Love is a strange thing. How can you love someone when you dont see them. Well we just can. But time will heal your wounds a it has mine. Traveling is a good solution. May let you find yourself.