Saturday, 19 January 2008
Most things I can cope with on my own. But one thing I can't do is hold myself. I can't wrap my arms around myself, and feel safe and warm. It's not that there aren't plenty of men who offer, but I don't want just anyone to hold me, I want it to be someone I trust and feel safe and secure with. I love being held by the right man, where i can close my eyes and lose my self in that moment of feeling peaceful and safe. I haven't been safe or secure for most of my life, so I tend to treasure those moments when I do. With the right person, being held is an amazing feeling, better than sex. I could stay in that moment for hours, holding on tight, waiting for them to say stop. Feeling the warmth, the reassuring heartbeat, the breathing, the strength of his arms wrapped around me. Yes, something I love to do, more than eat chocolate, or drink red wine, is to be held. It's like drinking a good scotch whiskey, the warmth you feel as it slides down your throat, warming every part the alcohol touches. Or the good feeling you get from eating chocolate that permeates slowly and makes you smile. It's like sliding into a hot bath, gradually feeling the warmth all over. Like the world is spinning but you are stopped still and held and safe for one moment in time. I miss being held, and I will miss being held for the next few months.