Happy New Year! I have had a lot to think about spending christmas in Hua Hin and New Years Eve in Bangkok. I am of course starting 2008 as a single woman again, and I have many thoughts and developments to make.
It is so important to have an open mind. That is to say a mind filled with jealousy and self deprication will only interpret things negatively and wrongly.
In a relationship, if someone chooses to read a book rather than bask in your glory and admire your beauty after being apart for a long time, it may not be because they find you ugly and unattractive, and are dismissing you. It may be "just their way". Like in foreign countries, some hand gestures or certain nods of the head are unacceptable and are interpreted as swearing or rude, yet in others is meaningless. It is the same in our micro worlds.
To me, if I am ignored, it is because I am worthless. To others it may be that they just bask in my company rather than keep on about it.
I am starting to understand so much now. Too late as usual, but I understand.
I understand that you are just you, and though it drives me mad you dont appear to think about me. I know that apprearances were deceptive.
Studying buddhism now, which is close to my way of thinking. Im off to a pagoda on saturday to meditate. This year is the year I lose all my insecurities and start believing not only in myself , but those around me.
My heart already believes, it's just my mind I need to open...